the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
