I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
