Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
