my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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