yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
soo... how was my night?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
