so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
