Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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