Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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