Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
