You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
