a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You pole danced in your parka.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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