glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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