My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
