I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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