areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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