i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
