help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
