Redeem this text for a blowjob
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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