My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
