I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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