I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
