why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize