I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize