Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
