I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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