My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
