apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
