Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
