Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
