im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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