What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
