I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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