Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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