I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
