Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
