If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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