i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
