Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
