I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
