i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
