I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
