I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
