so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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