yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
