she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize