It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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