Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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