There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
