so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
