your thong is hanging out like whoa
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize