my mouth tastes like poor choices
You smell like stripper and shame
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
