whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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