Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
