i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
