I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
