Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
