Your face is a jimmy john
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize