Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
