I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Holy shit dude........stairs
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
