dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
