Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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