The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
