so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
