Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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