You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
