Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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