he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
