i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
