Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
