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Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
