remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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