Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
