i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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