R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
