i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
