you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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