there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
