i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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