I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
