just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
