I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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