Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
