I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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