this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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