I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
