Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
