i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
