I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
