Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
