you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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