I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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