I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
