FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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