Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
