he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
