This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
