I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
