What did we do last night that was yellow?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize