BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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