my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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