Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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