Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize