I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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