Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
