I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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