dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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