seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
