Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
