So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
