Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
