Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
