best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize