the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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